Early Turkeys & Music & Memories

In an unexpected turn, we decided to host a small “early” Thanksgiving this year. Our friends, who typically join us, would be away on the traditional date. So, while pumpkins were sitting on porches closer to Halloween, we scared ourselves by how much we consumed, but in the best way. I’ll admit that there was a little confusion with doing it early; I was planning to cut the green beans while watching the parade, and my friend was timing her trip to the grocery store to avoid crowds!

Well, this event prompted a memory about another “early” Thanksgiving where I found myself looking back and feeling wistful.

In 2021, we had driven to my mother’s memory care residence (almost three hours away) to join her for an early Thanksgiving organized by the home. It had been such a good day that I had written about it.

I re-read that post the other day and wanted to share it below with a couple of additions…

The bountiful fall display near the front entrance

A few days ago, we took part in an early Thanksgiving meal with my 91-year-old mother, Gretchen, at her assisted living /memory care residence. Mom was ready in a white sequined shirt and a pretty black sweater for the big day. She also had Button with her. She always had Button with her. Button was a stuffed 16-inch Bernese Mountain dog. Based on information from the Alzheimer’s Association, “plush pets” are encouraged as the loved one can give it unconditional love and be “responsible” for it. He was her constant companion.

We made our way through the memory care doors, kept locked for the safety of the residents, and headed into a large room with tables and a buffet table. Gretchen was so pleased it was a special dinner of turkey and potatoes, rolls, cinnamon apples, and of course, pumpkin pie. Dessert is always a favorite with her.

After the meal was over, the evening included some live musical entertainment; and while Mom was watching the singer, I was watching her feet tap to “That’s Life.” She was beaming at everything around her; soaking it in.

Even though the camera is behind mom, you can still get a glimpse of a beaming smile

We watched while a resident spontaneously hopped up from her chair, filled with the spirit to move, and danced and clapped around the room when the first notes of “Rock Around the Clock” started. There was also a man who turned to his wife when “Unchained Melody” began, and he grabbed her hand and sang to her.

This was when I realized that the unfiltered happiness of these residents was filling me up more than the actual meal. Music clearly took them to their happiest times of their lives.

I decided that this year I am thankful for the cheerful music, for being in the present moment, for small gifts of time with my mom, and for feeling the bursts of joy from these elderly residents.

I want to wish everyone a heartfelt Thanksgiving and be sure to soak in everything the day shows you, whether it is with family, or family for just one night.

***********

When I wrote this, I had no way of knowing that this was Mom’s last Thanksgiving. She passed several months later. I feel happy though, having captured the day, these holiday memories, in precisely this way. I am also happy that I hosted my own early Thanskgiving, which prompted me to return to read this story again.

Here are some musical replays of the Thanksgiving party:

26 responses to “Early Turkeys & Music & Memories”

  1. Melanie, what a beautiful and heartfelt memory you had with your mom for an early Thanksgiving at the assisted living home months before she passed. Lovely food and music! 🎵 Every day is a gift for me to be thankful for. We’ll have an early Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter’s family because we’ll fly to California to spend Thanksgiving with my husband’s family.
    Happy Thanksgiving to you! 🥧🌽

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    1. Aww, thanks, Miriam. It was a good day and a happy memory. I love that you are doing an early Thanksgiving, too! The arrangement sounds perfect so that everybody gets to see you. I also completely understand that everyday is a gift for you. And I feel that frequently in your writing. You are very aware of the presciousness of life. And a big Happy Thanksgiving greeting to you, too! 🦃

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      1. I haven’t talked to my daughter yet because we’re still deciding whether going to California or not. Even if the government shutdown ended, but the air traffic controller is still an issue. We don’t want to get to the airport in Portland or California to find out the flight is cancelled.

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      2. I completely understand! I do hope it works out for you though. It’s horrible to cancel holiday plans because of government snafus.

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      3. We would be flying on the day of Thanksgiving in time for dinner. We would miss the family any delay of a few hours.

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      4. Now, I understand. That is a big problem. Years ago we did that and it worked out fine, but these are completely different circumstances. I am positive your husband’s parents understand your dilemma and will support whatever decision you make.

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      5. I’m sure my husband’s siblings understand. His parents passed away several years ago.

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      6. Absolutely, they will. Thanks, Miriam. 😍

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  2. This is such a timely reflection. And I did see your mom’s smile from the side: her cheeks were puffed out, so I know I got a glimpse of her smile. Yes,  music clearly takes them to the happiest times of their lives. The great thing about music is that it skips the cognitive area of the brain and goes straight to the heart. I’m smiling as I write this because I know it’s true. Thanks, Melanie! :-D

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    1. I learned something new from you, Marian! I didn’t know about music skipping the cognitive area of the brain “and goes straight to the heart” (I love that phrase.”) Thanks for sharing that. I’m so happy you caught a smile (mom’s and your own!) with the post. Happy Thanksgiving a little early. 🧡

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  3. This is so lovely and heart-touching Melanie. You captured beautiful, happy moments, and shared them so well (and for those of us that have lost our parents, it has us remembering those moments of joy we shared together.) Thank you for sharing this: “while Mom was watching the singer, I was watching her feet tap to “That’s Life.” She was beaming at everything around her; soaking it in.” I can just ‘feel’ this phrase. 💞💞

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    1. Ahhh, you’re making me well up, Rose. Thank you. I appreciate that so much. I hadn’t really thought about how these “personal” moments might be completely relatable to others, bringing back sweet memories. Thank you for telling me that. ❤️ As I watched her that evening, the biggest joy came from the fact that she was escaping her limits that night and moving with the dancers and the rhythm of the music and she was re-living something wonderful in her life. She was transported. It was brilliant of the home to think of that.

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  4. I remember this experience from when you shared about it before, Melanie. When I used to visit my mom at her assisted living residence, events having to do with music were always the most heavily attended. I have a priceless piece of video where I panned the residents when a band was performing music from their era. It did my heart good to see how much they responded to the music by singing along, tapping their feet to the music, and soaking it all in. Faces that were normally lifeless were cheerful.

    I still read to the residents twice a week (to a much smaller size than the music crowd), but the ones who come seem to love it. Sometimes while I’m reading, a resident’s pet will trot into the room. While I think it’s sweet for them to be able to have their pets live with them, I wonder how in the world they’re allowed to have animals running loose, considering the tripping hazard they present.

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    1. You should post that video, Pete! I would love to see that transformation through music. I have to say I’m honestly shocked by your pet story. A loose pet (no matter how small) is a huge liability! I’m glad you continue to enjoy your reading sessions and sharing stories. Maybe I’ll be in a home some day (a long way off!) and I would want someone telling/reading stories to me. 😊

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  5. Oh my goodness…thank you for inviting us in, Melanie. I love the photos of you and your mom…of Button. Joyous, so very joyous and as always, you bring the heart and soul forward. Right here…my favorite phrase from this piece:
    …”the unfiltered happiness of these residents was filling me up more than the actual meal…”
    Love you oodles! 💝💝💝

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    1. I’m so glad you felt the words, the day, Vicki. It was a pretty rare (magical) evening to take in. I appreciate your support and love so much. Big hugs! Xo❤️❤️

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      1. All the love and big, big hugs back to you. xo! 😉💝😉

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  6. What a lovely memory, I’m so glad you were able to spend Thanksgiving with her one last time before she passed. And to see her happiness as well as the happiness of those around must have been so special.

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    1. I truly feel lucky that I had this evening with her. I had no idea how it might go and I love that this last one ended up being so joyful. Thank you, Pooja!!

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      1. It’s wonderful it was joyful and you’re most welcome!

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  7. What a beautiful memory, Melanie! And you’ve painted it for us so well. I can just feel the joy of the residents dancing, singing, and beaming like your mom. So thankful for this beautiful post and reminder that it’s never too early to be grateful! Wishing you a lovely rest of the Thanksgiving season!

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    1. That’s very sweet, thank you Wynne! I always love how you find gratitude in everything others write. It’s a gift! And since I post every other Thursday, the next one would be on Thanksgiving haha, and I don’t think many would see it. 😊 Have an awesome Thanksgiving as well!

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  8. What a beautiful snapshot of time with you and your mom, Melanie. I especially liked to hear about Button. It’s funny how we gravitate to things that give us comfort when we’re alone. My husband had bought me many stuffed animals through the years – Valentine’s Day. I hitched on to one puppy (what I called my husband) after I lost him and I learned how ‘Linus’ felt about his security blanket. I sleep with it, and wherever I travel I take it with. Have to pour the leftover love somewhere. 🧡

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    1. Oh Debby, that is beautiful. You “have to pour the leftover love somewhere.” I love how you bring your furry companion everywhere. I completely understand how this gift from your husband brings you comfort. Thank you for sharing that. xo🧡

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      1. As I understand your mother’s Button. 🧡🧡

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      2. Aww. Yes. She was completely devoted to him. ❤️❤️

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