Who Dreams This?

I have muddled feelings this morning. I woke just before 6:00 a.m. with a startled shake. I had just dreamt that I was simultaneously looking for and hiding from my mother because she had a gun. We were at some huge outdoor event. I kept running into people I knew and telling them what was going on. I knew I had to reach her, and that is what my friends were saying, but I didn’t want to. I felt like I might be her target.  The very last image was her standing about 20 yards from me, staring at me; the gun in her hands.

Who dreams this? Well, it’s much more common than I imagined. I googled “dreams where your mother is trying to kill you” and there were pages of results. Many of them were Q & A forums which provided some fascinating answers.

This is the best paraphrased response I read from username “Intuitivestar” who professionally interprets dreams. It was posted a few years ago:

You must look at this dream. First, you can’t say this dream somehow represents the current media (of gun culture) because it is your mother in the dream, not a stranger or someone else you know on a more superficial level. 

Most of our dreams come from our subconscious mind. While our conscious mind can stay in denial of things, our subconscious mind gives us the truth. You have trust issues with your mom. “Being shot” can symbolize criticism or other negative verbal messages that you are receiving. Taking the gun from her would indicate that at this point in your life, you are ready to stop the issue between you and take control. 

Perhaps you are no longer willing to live in an illusion of who and what your mother is; you are ready to see her for who she is, and perhaps she doesn’t always have your best interests at heart. “

I find the timing of this dream intriguing. Ginny’s been controlling for years, so what’s changed that I’m now having an internal debate on whether to take the “gun” from her? My age? Fatigue of dealing with it? Or maybe, it’s the realization that she can’t keep this charade up that she’s in charge any longer.

This theory suddenly washes in an old memory. At the same time I was researching her valuables to help with her cash flow, her wedding silver was discussed. I offered to do some research on EBay about pricing. I had been a member for years.

She had immediately countered with preferring to take her 12 place settings of silver to a local silver place to get an estimate. Of course, this didn’t make sense to me because they would be the middleman and potentially use Ebay. We dropped it.

Five months later, we were hosting Thanksgiving. Ginny sees my silver and announces to my sister Hailey “after we get back, I want you to clean my silver and we can get it over to the Silver King.”

Knowing how much Hailey does already, I suggested “I know I’ll be back by you at Christmas. What if I clean the silver?”

Ultimately, I didn’t have time at Christmas, but I did offer to take the silver back to my home, polish it and return it during my next trip.

She wouldn’t let me take the box of silver. She allowed me to take one place setting and a couple of serving pieces. So, I did. I polished them, photographed them and priced them, assuming she would allow me to move forward with an online sale; that she would then provide the rest of the silver for me to prepare.

But no, she just wanted it back. She even called two days before my next visit to ensure that I would remember to return the pieces.

It was clear that she didn’t want me to pursue this sale. Why? I absorbed it as a complete lack of trust in me. And she made me feel like some type of a thief. Dennis and Betsy quickly reassured me that they thought it had nothing to do with me, but rather, it was about her. She wanted to control that transaction with the store; she was in charge.

I’m not writing this as a “woe is me” tale. I’m writing it because I’m drawn to the analysis of this dream. It is spot-on true. And whatever the prompt is for why it’s rising to the surface now, the end result is that if I take the gun, I take control. Of course this begs the question “how the hell do I do that?”

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